think happy thoughts

There are nearly infinite approaches to raising children....yes, I'm going there....and I often hear my parental peers suggest that "we will all figure out our own way to do it".  I completely agree with that statement, and certainly we all develop our subtle, individual parenting skills.  However, within the spectrum of socially-acceptable parental methods, I certainly believe there are both healthy and unhealthy approaches....and everything in between, of course.  What have I learned in this journey so far? Through experience and reading and communicating?  Ultimately.....absolutely nothing that other people don't already know.  Of course we know that those darn kids live so excitedly in the moment!  Pure emotion.  Pure joy.  Pure anger.  Pure sadness.  They feel these emotions.  They are absolutely real to that child.  And too many times I see parents (even myself at times) disregard the child's emotions (e.g. frustration at a misfit pair of socks) and behavior (e.g. tantrum) as absurd.  Fortunately, adults (that is...healthy adults) have the capacity to identify emotions and think before reacting and behaving.  Alternatively, children do not have that capacity.  Parents who continually expect their children to behave like small adults will be inevitably and infinitely disappointed.  And when the parent continually expresses that disappointment to a child, who is simply trying to deal with those emotions in the only way they know how, the child is conditioned that their emotions do not matter.  And secondly, if the child is continually punished for their emotional reactions, they are led into an abyss of emotional detachment and conditional love.  Wow, Jason, that's uplifting.  Dire Straits?  It doesn't have to be!!  I'm certainly no expert, but it's taken me a bit of self parenting-reflection and lots of reading and some practice to understand (I actually learn a lot of this by watching Joan with Abby), that we can help our kids, even at a young age, thrive with emotional recognition and stability.  Those are the building blocks, which are all constructed in those early years, that lead to real, confident, healthy, beautiful, wonderful people who contribute in a positive way to the world.  I'm certainly biased, but I think Curly Lid is on her way, and I see many other children who are on their ways!!!  The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Those are my words.  Here are somebody elses', who sparked my interest in writing about this.....while including references to 80's pop music.  I promise to get back to lighter topics in the next posts.